


Pod Racing

by orphan_account



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Episode: s04e04 The Sontaran Stratagem, Humor, Urination
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-28 01:17:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19801735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Doctor has a pee in a pod. ´Nuff said.





	1. By the Sea

The Doctor was enjoying a nice swim at Brighton Beach with Rose. As the water was quite warm compared to his base temperature, the Doctor eventually found himself needing to wee. He told Rose this, as he walked out of the water.

"Wait, why don't you just _go_ in the water? Everyone else does," Rose suggested.

"I'm a Time Lord. My urine would pollute the sea," the Doctor clarified, looking around for public toilets. There were none in sight.

"Did your mother mention anything about where the bathrooms were?" he asked Rose with a frown. She shook her head. They both ran up from the beach, to the Pier. They found only one, but it was out of order. Then, the toilet building started making a lot of noise and seemingly _phasing_ in and out, like a TARDIS. As it vanished, what was left was a middle-aged woman with brown, grazing hair and a dress full of strange circular symbols. the Doctor just froze, staring at her as if she was a ghost. 

“Mum.” was all he could mutter in response. 

“Oh, my darling..” the rest of what the woman said sounded less like a name, and more like a song. But Rose knew that was what it was. The Doctor’s _real name_. 

Skipping the pretence of not knowing the Doctor’s problem, his mother went straight to advising him. 

“Why don’t you use the Disposal Pod?”

The Doctor went full red with embarrassment. 

“Mother! You know I don’t use that anymore,” he exclaimed. 

“Oh really? Then why is it in your pocket?” She pointed at a small bulge that had appeared in the right pocket of the Doctor’s swim trunks. 

“I rarely use it,” he argued, taking out a strange object. It was red, with golden lines along the sides, and looked rather like a large potty, with some buttons on it. 

“Is that a..” Rose started to comment, but the Doctor put a finger up to shush her. He closed his eyes in shame.

“I know what it _looks_ _like_!” he spat out in annoyance.

“It has been useful in past emergencies, Doctor” the Woman reminded him.

“When I was a child,” the Doctor countered.

“And at the Academy,” she mentioned. 

The Doctor shook his head, as he received a flashback to an alternate version of events; without the Pod. 

“Oh, Borusa’s beard.. fine, thanks. Come on Rose let’s find a private spot for me to use this,” The Doctor saluted and bid farewell telepathically to his mother, walking back down the stairs to the beach. 

“So, this is how it works: Waste collected in here, gets sent automatically to the toilet tank on my TARDIS,” The Doctor explained while standing under the bridge.

“Smart, keeping that in your pocket,” Rose admired the sanitary tech.

“Thank the TARDIS. She’s the one who keeps packing it for me, “ he stated fondly. 

The Doctor put down the pod and turned to Rose.

“Er, Rose? You mind?” he requested, pointing behind him with his thumb. 

“Right, of course!” Rose went back to the water, keeping her back to the Doctor as much as possible. 

When she did turn to check, he seemed perfectly content. 

The Doctor smiled as he relieved himself into the pod, both in relief, and in comfort, as he was using a device he’d been using occasionally in almost every incarnation, _as well_ as in childhood. 

Wiping his hands in the wet sand, the Doctor pulled up his shorts, and pushed the button to dispose of the contents. The device made a vacuum noise, as they spiralled away. He then put it back in his bigger-on-the-inside pockets, and walked back to Rose to continue their beach fun.

_To be continued..._


	2. Dr Jones and the Pocket Toilet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suggestion by Anonymous: prison cell

Martha and the Doctor walked towards the TARDIS doors to begin their adventure. Martha stopped the Doctor check his bladder.

“Did you go to the loo?” she asked.

“No. Don’t need to yet,” he explained.

“But you _will_ in a day,” Martha pointed out, having counted the days. 

“That won’t matter,” the Doctor stated confidently. He was right, although he _was_ hoping he could prevent the need for _it_.

“What’d you mean it won’t matter. I think your bladder would disagree with that,” Martha noted.

“I’ve got a failsafe. In case of emergencies. **Only** emergencies..” the Doctor assured her, raising his eyebrows to punctuate the _rarity_ of situations he wished to use it. 

“Fine, but _don’t_ use my presence as an excuse alright?” Martha shrugged, and let it go. The Doctor nodded in agreement. Especially because the TARDIS gave a slight hum in agreement of the Doctor’s claims, as if she knew what he was talking about and trusted him. Which she did.

* * *

The Doctor began his third(or was it _thirteenth?_ ) round of pacing around the room. 

“There must be a way to break the lock,” the Doctor remarked in frustration, stopping, and squirming on the spot instead.

“You’ve tried that, when you first started wiggling,” Martha reminded him, pointedly.

“I’m fine,” the Doctor claimed.

“Your left hand says you’re not,” Martha countered, as said left hand was currently holding the Doctor’s crotch firmly. 

The Doctor sighed. “Screw it, I’m using it,” he remarked to himself, taking the pod out of his pocket. He put the pod on the floor in the corner. 

“You mind turning around?” he turned his head to ask Martha hintingly.

Martha turned away from the Doctor politely. 

The Doctor unzipped, aimed and began peeing into the pod. He smiled and sighed in relief. Once finished, he “flushed” the content to the TARDIS, and washed his

hands with hand sanitizer before going back to Martha, tapping her shoulder.

“Right, that’s much better,” he remarked with another sigh, sitting down. 

Martha looked at the fascinating technology, he had apparently peed in.

“If you had a pocket _toilet_ with you, why so reluctant to use it, earlier?” she asked.

“It’s only for emergencies. When I’m certain I won’t get out of a tricky situation before my bladder gives up,” the Doctor explained.

“Well then, you really shouldn’t ever expect to get out of prison cells like this in time. It can happen, but the risk is not worth it,“ Martha advised.

“Yeah, alright. Good point. I’m not _embarrassed_ to use it anyway, I shouldn’t make excuses for no reason,” the Doctor said in agreement, giving a thumbs-up of commitment.


	3. At UNIT Headquarters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donna intervenes in the Doctor's shyness, after he is forced to use the pod, _with_ a bathroom technically available..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt by PrincessoftheOceans: In a meeting, the Doctor can't move from his chair.

The Doctor bent over a desk, pretending to look at the ATMOS device. It wasn’t pretending, _per se,_ but it wasn’t the only thing he was doing. He used the space making it difficult for the other people in the room to see what was happening below the waist, to squeeze his thighs together, one hand in his pocket. 

After getting introduced to the overly saluting UNIT officer, Colonel Mace, he eventually found an opportunity to sit down, and cross his legs. While Martha interrogated the workers at the factory, the Doctor found that the device’s creation could be traced to a teenager and his Academy. Once again, not wanting to ask anyone for directions to the loo, he simply got in a car with Donna to the Academy.

During the ride, Donna noticed the Doctor was hunched forward, with his legs crossed at the ankles. 

“Doctor, what’s wrong?” she asked.

“I just..er,” the Doctor took out his phone and texted the rest. 

-[ _need the loo]_

Donna wrote back _-_ [ _why didn’t you go before we left?_ ]

‘ _Too awkward to ask where the loo was,’_ the Doctor explained. 

* * *

The Sontarans continued humorously boasting and berating the Doctor, which frustrated him, as it was wasting time he could use to get quickly back to his TARDIS for a wee. 

After yet another nuclear missile-firing mysteriously averted, the Doctor ran out to his TARDIS but got interrupted by a phone call from Donna. So, he grabbed another seat, spinning his feet around it nervously. 

He managed to successfully guide Donna to incapacitate a Sontaran. 

“Yess!” the Doctor cheered tensely, clenching his sphincter muscles at the same time.

“Oh, Doctor, how are you holding up?” Donna asked with concern.

“Barely,” was his answer.

“Why don’t you go look for the toilet yourself?” she suggested.

The Doctor made a noise of agreement and got up. But alas, at that moment, the movement let out a short stream of urine, slightly wetting his underpants. 

“Okay..now I can’t move,” he remarked in panic. 

Donna kind of _cooed_ in pity. Then she got an idea.

“Use the pod!” 

“How do you know about the pod?” the Doctor asked in additional embarrassment. 

“Martha told me,” she clarified. 

“Well, it’ll be a bit difficult to hide the noise and partially exposed genitalia,” the Doctor pointed out.

“Not if you use the perception necklace thing from last year, remember,” Donna proposed.

The Doctor rummaged in his pocket, found it and put it on, the few people who seemed to be wondering who he was talking to, had now suddenly turned around. 

“Oh yes, that is brilliant, thanks, Donna! Call you back in a more _relieved_ state,” the Doctor said as he hung up.

The Doctor quickly took out the pod, and put it under the desk in front of him. Turning on the silencing function, and pulling himself out as discreetly as possible, hiding *it* underneath the aforementioned desk, he aimed and proceeded to urinate. He grinned at the relief he was getting, _technically_ out in the open. Once finished, he sanitized his hands and put the pod back in his pocket. Quickly double-checking that no more missiles were getting prepared, the Doctor picked up his phone to advise Donna further. 

  
“How’s it going now? Feel better?” she greeted kindly. 

“So much better, I’m definitely going to ask next time I visit UNIT, wherever that would be,” the Doctor replied.

“Good, now, I’m trying to get to the teleport, but the lock’s made for a Sontaran hand, three fingers,” Donna explained in mild frustration. 

“You’ve got three fingers,” the Doctor reminded her.

“Right, just like you’ve got three days till I want you to _ask for the loo_ when you need it, Spaceman!” Donna lectured kindly. 

“Yes, Donna,” the Doctor resigned to her good point. 

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> Where should the Doctor use the pod next? Leave your suggestion in the comments!


End file.
